Nothing causes more debate or arguments on various Facebook groups than discussions about which method ‘works’ best. The answer to that is simple the method you feel is best for yourself as a recipient and the one you wish to pursue with your chosen donor. It’s not for other recipients , admin or donors to be critical of your chosen method once you have decided up it. There comes a point where any discussion should only be between yourself, your partner if you have one and your donor. Likewise it’s not considered very polite to criticise the methods of others.
The main objective, the reason recipients are here is to get pregnant. As women you have options on methods, but there is one indisputable fact – the sperm has to make contact with your cervix, pass though it, and then into your fallopian tubes on it’s journey to find an egg. This is not debated generally on the groups although you will always find discussions on the best way to do AI or when to time donations. What is often debated on groups is the method by which the sperm enters your vagina.
Your options as a recipient to receive donor sperm fall into two categories, natural insemination (NI) or artificial insemination (AI). We’re not endorsing one method over another or claiming one is better than the other in terms of success rate. There’s no question both methods work and are are successful. Indeed you will find that the data to say one method is better than the other is not readily available, although people will have their own opinions.
We have gone into some detail regarding what methods are used on various groups and the differences between them. Ultimately it’s up to the recipient and their partner how they wish to proceed with insemination and the various methods available. It’s best to fully consider all options prior to creating your post so as to give yourself the best possible chance to conceive while at the same time being very honest with yourself about what methods you’re open to.
Artificial Insemination
The vast majority of recipients choose artificial insemination on the groups and as such this is the most popular method. Many same sex couples wish to experience doing this together. The recipient’s partner inseminates with the donor sperm so that she is actively involved in the process. Artificial insemination requires that the donor usually masturbates into a plastic sterile pot , sometimes in the bathroom or bedroom of the recipient’s home or hotel room. Once the donor has ejaculated his sperm into the pot (or any sterile container) his part is over and he generally leaves the pot in the room and vacates the building. Be sure to use the donor’s sperm within 15 minutes of ejaculation. Some like to leave it to liquify a little as some semen, which contains the sperm, can be quite thick upon ejaculation. Many use a 10 mil syringe to gather the donor’s semen / sperm from the pot and then carefully insert that into their partner’s vagina if both are involved. Be careful not to insert the syringe more than 3 – 4 inches inside your partner so as to avoid contact with the tip of the syringe and her cervix or the walls of the vagina so as they are not scratched in anyway. Once the syringe is in place squeeze the contents slowly but steadily into your partner’s body.
Don’t worry if any air is trapped inside your partner’s vagina, it will come out in it’s own way, although you should try to get as much air out the syringe prior to inserting but be careful not to make the donation too ‘bubbly’ or waste any removing any air.
Be sure to keep a slight pressure on the syringe once the sperm is inserted with your thumb for a minute or so to help keep the semen inside your partner and also in the case of your partner coughing, laughing or sneezing not shooting the syringe back out at you! Once a couple of minutes have passed you can remove the syringe. Although it’s not required many feel comfort in elevating their hips with a pillow prior to the syringe being removed , or some feel that having an orgasm at this point as well will help the sperm travel though the cervix – while it’s not been proven that it actually can make a difference it certainly won’t be harmful if you choose to do either or these things or both.
If you’re doing this as a single woman you may feel it’s similar to inserting a tampon or you may wish to use a mirror to assist you in finding the right angle. Do as above in inserting the sperm slowly but steadily, be careful not to push the syringe too deep although it’s not likely if you’re doing this alone. If you wish to elevate your hips or have an orgasm again it’s up to you. It’s not a requirement as such, but if it makes you feel better then why not.
Natural Insemination
The other acceptable method offered on many groups is natural insemination. This requires less discussion in the actual process and perhaps more discuss about some of the details surrounding it. The man has sexual intercourse with the woman and ejaculates inside her. This is often done in quite a clinical way with little interaction on the part of the recipient although that is not always the case depending on what the recipient and donor have agreed to prior to insemination taking place.
The saying what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas could also be said to apply to what happens during natural insemination stays in the hotel room. If a recipient is in a relationship she may decide to discuss things with her partner if she chooses to do so, although many partners opt to not be involved in the process beyond helping to choose the donor and even then sometimes just simply don’t want to know – this applies to partners in both gay and straight relationships.
Reasons for deciding NI is an option?
- You don’t wish to mess around with pots and syringes or worry you will somehow not do the AI correctly.
- You don’t feel right having to tell the child they were not conceived in a naturally.
- You have fertility problems and have been given medical advice that NI will improve your chances of conception.
- You’re over 35 and feel NI will give you the best possible chance of conceiving.
- You just enjoy sex and it’s no one’s business anyway!
- You feel that by being open to NI that you increase your chances of finding a donor.
Most likely it’s a combination of the above as to why a recipient may decide that NI is an option. Your reasons are your own but often recipients will state they are AI only and then once they get to know a donor consider the NI option. This makes sense as stating openly you’re ok with NI donors in the first instance will certainly mean more messages but many of those may be less than helpful and often downright unsavoury, although it does put you in control of the situation by being able to pick and choose any potential NI donor.
Many recipients feel they are betraying or cheating on their partner in doing NI, or by even considering it. Some recipients on groups can be quite judgemental of others who choose NI as a method. Please respect the donation method of others even if it’s not a path you yourself would go down. If you have a strong relationship and discuss NI and decide to investigate your options further then that’s up to you and your partner. It is not unknown for both partners to be present while the NI takes place and while this isn’t for everyone it certainly removes any doubt as to what occurs during the process. Ultimately it’s what you both decide as couple if you feel NI is an option – the main focus should be more about yourself as a recipient or yourself and your partner rather than that of the donor.
If you tell you donor you’re ok with NI / PI donations try not to change your method on the day. It’s understandable that when it comes to the crunch some recipients may ‘bottle it’ and decide they can’t go though with what they have agreed to. This is the reverse of donors changing methods from AI and insisting on NI on the day of donations. While it’s no where near as bad as that if you do decide on the day you can’t go though with NI having previously agreed to it your donor may feel you were deceptive in order to get his sperm, which may or may not be true, but usually it’s not and down to nerves. If you have a change of heart it is best to discuss this with your donor prior to the day wherever possible. Any decent donor will understand and you can then have further discussion prior to ovualtion. It’s perfectly fine to have a change of heart on NI / PI donations, but best to discuss this with your donor prior to the actual agreed day to avoid complications for further donations.
There is no reason that both NI and AI cannot be used during the same fertile window if you both agree to it. You may never be 100% sure if the child was conceived via NI or AI in this way although the child’s DNA will never be in doubt.
Sexual positions for NI should take into consideration how comfortable you may feel if any eye contact takes place, also if you believe that different positions lead to the gender of the child. It is believed that shallow entry helps in producing girls for example while deeper entry helps with boys. The science of this isn’t exact to say the least but something you may wish to consider other than should the lights be on or off.
Should you engage in foreplay with your donor if you’re doing NI? That’s something you both should decide prior to starting donations. As mentioned there are no rules as such but you do need to consider if such actions may complicate your relationship with your donor. Some women engage in foreplay but won’t kiss for example. It’s up to you and your donor to decide what limits , if any you wish to put in place.
So why does NI generally have such a bad reputation on the groups? Often it’s down to some donors being creepy in their messages or some women simply don’t like men for whatever reason and could not consider any intimate contact with them. Like it or not there’s no denying that thousands of years of evolution contribute to the longevity of NI as a method – we may become a ‘Brave New World’ one day where sexual reproduction is frowned upon, but for now the simple truth is most men wish to conceive a child with a woman via NI. They don’t always go about this is the best way on the Facebook groups, but the block button is your friend in these cases or reporting these donors to the group’s admin.
Variations on AI & NI
PI (Partial Insemination)
This method is rarely permitted on groups and has a shady background in terms of how it was invented. It is, however, a method that has worked for some and like all methods other than AI is something which should be discussed in full with your donor or your partner prior to insemination taking place. With PI the donor masturbates to near ejaculation and at the point of ejaculation enters the woman to complete ejaculation thus negating the need to for prolonged sexual contact. PI differs from NI due to the lack of thrusting and prolonged sexual contact, but also there is more chance of the donor’s aim being a bit off due to the having to time things exactly right.
Most groups don’t openly discuss PI as a valid option and again is something best left to discuss between yourselves if you wish to consider this method.
AI + (plus)
You may find you’re willing to compromise with AI donations by engaging in what has come to be known as AI + (plus), although it is not permitted to be openly discussed on virtually all groups, all the same it occurs. With AI + the recipient engages in some kind of contact with the donor which can be anything from masturbating him, kissing, providing oral sex or allowing the donor to touch her while the donor, or the recipient masturbates him to completion which will usually be in pot as with regular AI although it would be advisable if you do intend to do this method to have a larger, sterile container of some kind. This method is not openly admitted to very often by recipients on groups. It could be seen as a way to increase the chances of finding a donor beyond just seeking an AI donor. For example this may be an option an NI donor could accept by way of providing AI + donations rather than NI.
While some recipients have stated in their posts they are open to ‘helping’ the donor it is generally frowned upon by group admins and other recipients and is best left to discuss between you and your donor if this is an added extra you are considering.
The blog for discussing donation methods can be found HERE